A guide to Scottish slang

To all you first time visitors, Welcome to Scotland, “the land of dramatic landscapes, bagpipes, and some of the most baffling slang you’ll ever encounter. Whether you’re lost in a Glaswegian pub or trying to decipher what a friendly old man in the Highlands just said to you, fear not! This guide will help you navigate the rich and often hilarious world of Scottish slang.

Basic Scottish Survival Phrases

• “Aye” - “yes” 
  You’ll hear this everywhere. If in doubt, just say ‘Aye’ and people will assume you know what’s going on (even if you don’t have a clue.)

• “Naw” - “no” 
  This is as simple as it gets. But beware, a sarcastic ‘Aye, right!’ actually means ‘absolutely not!’

• “Cannae” - “ Cannot” 
  Example: I cannae believe how strong that whisky is! Oh, and spoiler alert - it’s always strong!

• “Dinnae””don’t” 
  Example: Dinnae touch that! It’s my last Tunnocks teacake. (Yes, this is a Scottish treat!)

• “Pure dead brilliant” - “Really, really great”
  Oddly, this is a compliment. If a Scottish person says this about anything, it’s a win. Take is as that.

Greetings and Social Niceties

• “How’s it gaun?” - “How’s it going?”
  This “isnae” (is not) an invitation for deep personal reflections. Just say, “Aye, not bad, yersel?” and move on.

• “Gie it laldy” - “Give it your all”
  This is stereotypically used when encouraging excessive drinking, dancing, singing, or general mayhem.

• “Wee Blether” - “A chat”
  Example: “Sit doon, grab a cuppa, and let’s have a wee blether.” 

• “Yer aff yer heid” - “You’re crazy”
  This is usually said with affection, usually when someone suggests hiking up Ben Nevis in flip-flops.

Scottish Weather-Appropriate Phrases

• “Dreich” - Wet, grey, and miserable
  This describes Scottish weather about 80% of the time. If someone says it’s dreich, pack a brolly. And waterproofs.

• “Baltic” - Freezing cold
  Example: “It’s pure Baltic oot there, you’ll need a big jaiket” (Translation: It’s really cold; wear your best winter gear.)

• “Taps aff” - “Shirts off”
  You will be surprised at how often you hear this. At the first sign of sun (even if it’s 12°C), people remove their shirts, and 12 degrees means summer.

Eating and Drinking in Scotland

• “Scran” - “ Food”
  Example: “That chippy’s got the best scran in town.” (Translation: This fish and chip shop serves fantastic food.)

• “Mingin” - “Disgusting”
  Example: “That deep-fried Mars Bar was mingin” And yes, that is an actual food here!

• “Steamin” - “Extremely drunk”
  Example: “He was pure steamin’ last night” - (If a Scots tells you this, someone likely fell into a bush.)

• “Gutted” - Very disappointed
  Example - They ran oot ae Irn-Bru. Am pure gutted (A national tragedy.)

Navigating Scottish Geography

• “Gonnae head Up the road” - Going home
  Even if home is 200 miles away, up the road is where you’re headed.

• “A wee jaunt” - A short trip (even if it’s not short at all)
  Example: “Let’s take a wee jaunt up Ben Lomond. (Do not be fooled, this is a full-blown hike.)

• “The middle of naewhere” - Basically, most of Scotland
  If a local says this, prepare for patchy WiFi and stunning views.

Random But Essential Scottish Slang

• “Muppet” - A silly or daft person
  Example: “That guy trying to fight the seagull for his chips is a total muppet.” (this is a regular occurance in seaside towns)

• “Wee” - Small
  Scotland’s favorite word. Everything is wee. A wee bit, a wee dram, a wee problem (even if it’s actually massive).

• “Hoachin” - Very busy or full
  Example: “The pub was hoachin last night!” (If claustrophobic, take this as a warning.)

• “Gies a swatch” - “Let me have a look”
  Useful in shops, but don’t overuse unless you want to seem nosey.

• “Clatty” - Dirty or messy
  Example: “Yer room’s pure clatty, sort it oot” (A phrase every Scottish mother has said)

• “A bawhair” - A tiny amount
  Example: “A Missed the bus by a bawhair” "( But this could actually mean that they missed it by 30 minutes.)

Scottish Sarcasm

• “Aye Right” - I don’t believe you.

• “Aye, cheers” - thanks for nothing!

• “Aye, so he will!” - I highly doubt that he will.

• “Aye, aye ok” - I’m saying it’s ok but with great reluctance, I’m really not happy about it.

Final Tips for Speaking Scottish

Be aware - Scots speak quickly. If you don’t understand, just nod and smile.

Embrace the accent - Glaswegian, Highland, and Aberdonian accents can all sound completely different. Stay calm.

Avoid fake Scottish accents - “ If you attempt ‘Och aye the noo', you’ll instantly out yourself as a tourist.

Always say “Cheers”- Whether thanking someone or having a drink, this word will make you many friends.

So there you have it, your essential (and humorous) guide to understanding Scottish slang. You may still struggle to comprehend everything a fast-talking local says, but at least now you won’t panic when someone says, “Aye, it’s pure Baltic oot there, but gie it laldy!”

Safe travels, and dinnae forget yer coat!